Friday, January 16, 2009

Wrote This Just Yesterday - Comment And Feedback Would Be Greatly Apperciated

I Wrote This Just Yesterday, Within A 20-30 Minute Period. You Can Ask The Girl Who Could Fly. She Will Tell You About It. Anyways Comment And Give Feedback Please. It Will Be Well Appreciated.

Prologue
The icy wind howled throughout the desolate wasteland, crying out for the lost souls that littered the battlefield. I sat in the middle of the field with bodies scattered about the ground around my feet and the crimson liquid painting a picture of intense violence and horrible visions. “Why can’t I remember what happened, when I try to remember all I see is red…………………” is what I whisper to myself as the pitter-pat of sweat, anguish, and fear bleed off my face and into a deep wrinkle creased within my dirt-ridden pants. My mind races with flashes of light, the burning heat sears into my flesh and I can feel the burning rage creeping over me as I watch the faces of people drop to the ground in rapid succession. I can hear a voice calling out, Is it mine? That I do not know, but these people are so familiar………………so…………………close to me. My mind tears through all of my thoughts trying to rip the hidden memories of what happened to these bodies and who I am, it tries to bring me closure but all I can see is the blankness of what is not there. Who am I, What caused this terrible bloodshed, am I a monster, and who are those people that seem so close but yet so far?


Beginning
I lay face down with the musty pillow absorbing the tears from my pores. My caramel skin locked in between the damp smell of the pillow and my small bush of hair that tied itself together like the bristles of an ox’s fur. I can hear the knock at the door with the faint feminine smell of perfume and make-up permeating the rank air of the hotel room bed. “Hello Sarah, please enter the room. It’s unlocked.” I bellow with a monotonous tone that masks my feelings. “That is unlike you, James; you’re usually so much more meticulous when it comes to protecting yourself. What are you thinking about that has made you so vulnerable in this state?” Sarah retorts with the utmost charisma and feeling. My eyes slide from under the pillows white sheet, out to where Sarah is standing. Her thin figure was nothing much to behold, well except for her perfect eyes which glimmered like the sun beneath a hazel mirror. Her cheeks that radiated with such a crimson hue that when she blushed it created a sudden surge of heat in the room and her smile which where as white as the snowy earth that littered the northern hemisphere at this point of the year.
I jumped back up letting the creases of my clothes spring back to life in a miraculous jump-start and I felt my lean figure creak and crack with slow movements of my sleeping muscles. “I was thinking back to my past, where you found me and what my true name is………” I managed to croak out of my hoarse voice box. Yes, my name isn’t James and I’ve realized that for some time now even though Sarah continuously calls me James or Josh. Suddenly there’s another smell that enters the room in one fluid moment, and it’s so pungent that I can taste it in every fiber of my mouth. “That smells…......” I inhale the scent as my whisper turns to a yell “sulfur…………………….DUCK!!!!!!!” I yell as time seems to slow in my eye. The wood splinter breaks apart slowly as the heat of the metal and charcoal eat through the remaining fibers of wood. Sarah falls slowly from where she was standing as the half football rips the flesh off the top of her arm and the heat eats away at her flesh creating a black flame trail as it passed by heading straight for between my eyes.
Time reverts to normal and the speed at which I move is amazing, but the bullet tears through my shoulder blade, driving like a knife into the bone marrow and engraving its sharp point into my skin. I drop onto the sheets with crimson glue bonding my shirt together with my indistinguishable skin.

3 comments:

Skye said...

I still think it's really good. Nice similes and descriptions! It's really good for 20-30 minutes.

OW! I better go put my splint back on before I hurt my wrist any more trying to type. I'll be on gmail on my phone later if the internet goes down again with the storm.

Fly on forever!

The Girl Who Could Fly

Skye said...

I checked out the videos on Scourge's blog and I have only one thing to say to you....






























PLAY YOUR GUITAR IN THE NEXT VIDEO YOU GUYS MAKE!!!!!!!!!!!












That would be so cool!

Fly on forever!

The Girl Who Could Fly

katie said...

ok, still much better than anything i can write. will you just except that you are a better author than me. GOD how many times to we have to argue about that.

later
katie