Sunday, November 23, 2008

Songs I've Written, they are not great, but i want criticism.

Wrote this tonight, its called the "Last Goodbye"

If I died tonight
Would you care if I leave you?
With this one last goodbye

And If I vanish forever
Will you be there to say?
To say that I love you tonight

Now this is my final chance
To make you mines
And this is my life
Ill spend it all for you
But if I’m gone tonight
Then this is my last goodbye.

One more night I’ll be here
To stay, but one more night is
All I have to give you.

So I’ll be yours for my final night
And ill be yours for this last time
But I I’ll be yours for my final day
And tonight, I will say I will say
That I love you

Now this is my final chance
To make you mines
And this is my life
Ill spend it all for you
But if I’m gone tonight
Then this is my last goodbye.

And this is my last night with you
My last night with you
But I won’t be gone
I’ll be yours forever

This is one when i first tried to write a song, its called "The Puppet And The Man"

I’m just a puppet
A lonely puppet on your devilish stage
I whisper to the audience to help me make you happy
Cause I’m loving every moment that you smile and play with me

Just slow down
This is my final act
My final act to prove to you that I truly do care
And if you don't watch me tonight
Then I won't stop because this is the time and I’m playing the puppet
The puppet in your heart

Your lonely stare makes my strings burn away
I want to see your smile again
I wave around letting your grin explode into laughter
And I dance to make you love me

Just slow down
This is my final act
My final act to prove to you that I truly do care
And if you don't watch me tonight
Then I won't stop because this is the time and I’m playing the puppet
The puppet in your heart

This is my, this is my
This is my final act for you
I sit at the stage crying for you
I grow into the man you want me to be
Your eyes shine right through me
And my tears turn into an angel’s crystal
As you turn to me and slowly whisper those three little words

Just slow down
This is my final act
My final act to prove to you that I truly do care
And as you finally watch me
I will play more than puppet
I will play the puppet and the man
The man you need me to be................................

8 comments:

Skye said...

Those songs are great! Wow, you're really creative.

You said you want criticism so I'll just say that there were a couple of mistakes like small and capital letters and apostrophes. That's all.

Those songs really are brilliant though! I'm not lying, they are really good!

Fly on forever!

The Girl Who Could Fly

Cruz said...

They are really good. I like the first one better than the second, but I like the second because it wasn't the normal things you'd hear for lyrics but yet you understood the message, well... I guess that means I liked them both a lot. you said you wrote that first one "tonight" did you write a whole song in one night? do you write from experiences?

oh right. you don't know me... hi I'm Cruz, I follow your blog, but I don't comment, but you asked for criticism so I decided to comment.

later-cruz

Alter Cosmos said...

hello cruz, thanks for following my blog. And when i said i wrote it "tonight" I meant i wrote it in one night. But used passed experiance to make the song up.

~Alter Cosmos~

Cruz said...

wow... you must be really creative to write a song in one night, I'm not good at writing. Thx for answering my question TTYL cruz

Skye said...

See? Cruz agrees with me! You're really creative. I can't believe you wrote a song in one night! Wow!

By the way, I'm really sorry I didn't come back on last night. I fell asleep when I was about to get back up.

Check out my comment on Dark's blog. Yeah, wait till you see what I said there.

Fly on forever!

The Girl Who Could Fly

Shun said...

very well thought out and crafty.

you know. song writting is like writting a poem.

idk why I just said that though.

lol to me just now.

Tyshiro Tyde said...

Dude Alter! This is great! I love it! If that song was on Projectplaylist I would DOWNLOAD it onto my playlist!

Alter, you have a talent-PURE TALENT!

Tyshiro

Karly said...

OMG, i'm speechless, that is amazing! I gotta call kat, she has to kno i actually shut up! lol, so poetic! i wish i were that good! but i'm not! omg, speechless!